That's when you crack a 10am beer
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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