You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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