No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
