how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
