Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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