Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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