Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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