At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Randomize
