I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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