Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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