I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
