I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
