I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
