i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
pop tarts are not kleenex
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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