So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
