I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
