Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
