I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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