I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
