i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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