it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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