So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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