Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
