South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
