I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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