Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Four minutes until I can fart!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize