Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
