Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
