I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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