I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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