nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
