Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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