i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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