i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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