I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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