when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
