im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i think my cat just said my name.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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