Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
