dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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