I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
