kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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