in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
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Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
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I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think my moral compass just broke
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