I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
cat food counts as protein by the way
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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