No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
