i was born a porn star she said
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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