Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
