I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
