I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Where is the hickey?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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