I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
cat food counts as protein by the way
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
