The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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