dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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