I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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