she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
