she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
