Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
