how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
