sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
