Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
