wat bout pragnant strippers??
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's no shave November. This is our time.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
