im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
