I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
