my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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