Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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