And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
