Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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