I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
