ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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