You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
