I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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