It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
