I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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