if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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