I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
