i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
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I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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