Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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