my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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